It's tough dealing with a bully
Shouting, screaming, constant criticism and humiliation by her boss led Jane to make a formal complaint. Then her troubles really began
Much has been written of the detrimental effects bullying
has on an individual. Unfortunately, I have learnt the hard way that
there can be hidden dangers facing a person making a complaint, and
these can be just as damaging as any ‘injuries' suffered due to the
bullying behaviour in the first place, indeed perhaps moreso. In
pressing for an independent hearing of my bullying complaint, I found
dealing with management, my union, my peers and an occupational health
physician much more damaging to my health than anything my ‘alleged'
bully ever did.
Before my bullying
occurred, I was passionate about my job. I knew I was not perfect at
it, and never claimed to be, but felt that I was learning new skills
all the time. I had held a number of responsible positions over a
period of 20 years in a government department and several voluntary
organisations before this employment. I was happy with my life and had
a clear vision of where I was going and enjoyed many things.
Ten
months into my dream job, the shouting, criticisms, and constant
humiliations began — they lasted for over three months. Most of the
events took place behind closed doors.
In
bullying literature, you are told you should tell your ‘alleged' bully
that you find their behaviour unacceptable. I did this on two occasions
— it made matters worse. I finally complained when the shouting started
in front of other people. I thought my case was simple and clear-cut,
but I hadn't reckoned on bureaucracy, deliberate delays, collusion
between employers and unions, ignorance, patronising behaviour, and
incompetence, as well as isolation by my peers.
The
following ‘myths' are things that I believed before I embarked on my
original complaint. It scares me now to think how very naïve I was.
Myth Number 1
If there is an anti-bullying policy and procedure in your employment, your employer will implement it fairly
In
retrospect, I feel the existence of the anti-bullying procedure in my
employment was mere tokenism. I was not a valued employee, having
worked there for just over a year when I made my complaint. My boss had
been in place for over 30 years. Although complaints had been made
against her over the years, nobody had previously made a formal
complaint in writing.
For almost two
years, my employers used every trick in the book to prevent me having
an independent hearing which would in my opinion have exposed the
bullying behaviour for what it was. They hoped I would simply go away
just as other employees had done before. The net result of these delays
was crippling, both emotionally and financially. For an organisation
which purported to have a caring ethos for the staff and the people it
served, it failed me miserably.
Myth Number 2
Your trade union will be your advocate and advise you appropriately
Ten
minutes before my ‘informal hearing' on my bullying complaint, my union
informed me that they had negotiated an apology from my boss. To get
this so-called apology (my boss admitted only to intemperance on a
number of occasions), I had to take responsibility for my own poor
performance. I agreed, simply because I wanted to continue working in
my job without harassment. Unfortunately, the whole focus then changed.
To
cut a long story short, every thing I did ‘wrong' was written down and
I was informed by my employer that I could be fired. In negotiating
this ‘apology', my union failed to anticipate what could happen. Their
biggest failure was to separate bullying and performance issues. Just
because they considered my performance inadequate did not give either
my boss or the organisation any reason to treat me the way they did.
Later on, I also felt my union was extremely ineffective in
counteracting the deliberate delays by management when I decided to
press for an independent hearing following the almost farcical first
informal hearing.
My union never seemed
to get the point that I simply wanted a hearing and I would walk away.
For me, recognition of a wrong was far more important than the
financial compensation (sweetheart deals) that they put pressure on me,
on a number of occasions, to accept. In general, I feel they showed
little sensitivity towards my fragile mental health, caused largely by
the delays which they did not seem to be able to prevent. Additionally,
they were downright patronising at times - being emotional didn't mean
that I had suddenly become an idiot. In my opinion, one individual is
small fry in comparison to the much bigger deals negotiated on a daily
basis between employers and unions. I believe unions have been
emasculated because they are too used to negotiating deals in order not
to upset the status quo.
Myth Number 3
Your colleagues will support you
When
I started this job, I had been told "lick up to your boss and you will
be grand". I found this an incredible attitude and simply couldn't
revert to being a ‘schoolchild' at 42 years of age. However, I did not
consciously rebel against my boss. I too wanted to fit in and be a
success at my work. I never, as was stated by my boss in response to my
complaint, deliberately sought to undermine her authority. In
retrospect, I believe in not keeping to the unwritten code in my
workplace, I drew attention to myself and suffered the consequences.
When
I complained my colleagues were initially supportive, but after the
hearing I was virtually isolated by my peers, with one exception who,
unfortunately, left after six months. This virtual isolation was
following an order from management that I was not allowed to work
independently and every error I made was written down. I had to sign my
name to these errors for posterity. My anxiety grew and grew and my
confidence deteriorated rapidly - and, yes, I made mistakes. At that
stage, I very much regretted having complained in the first place. I
stuck it for five months but worrying about work took over my whole
life and my mental health collapsed, so I went on sick leave.
One
of the hardest things about this experience has been the attitude of
the vast majority of my colleagues towards me - it has caused me a lot
of hurt and confusion. Possible explanations for their ostrich
head-in-the-sand position are:
they saw
where the balance of power lay, especially when my performance was
being obviously monitored in the way it was (group dynamics?)
they didn't want to become the focus of attention in supporting me, as attention might be drawn to them
the so called bystander effect in psychology - they expect other people
to help and simply do not see it as their role.
Or maybe, just maybe, I expected too much of them.
Whatever
the reasons, I sincerely hope that I would not close my eyes to a
colleague so obviously in distress. I have found their lack of
compassion towards me in a so-called caring profession the worst
betrayal of all. I had worked well with people for over 20 years. It
will take me a long time to trust work colleagues ever again (if ever).
Myth Number 4
Occupational health physicians will be neutral
In
my opinion, they are not — they are employed by your organisation and
do not necessarily act in your best interests. Mine recommended my
return to work to the same environment before I had an independent
hearing. Furthermore, on the basis of three meetings (lasting two hours
in total) I was diagnosed as suffering from ‘pre-existing low
self-esteem'.
Yet this person did not
know me before the bullying began. I was proud of many things that I
had achieved in my life. If I was, indeed, suffering from ‘pre-existing
low self-esteem' did that make me an inferior person? Did it justify
the behaviour of my boss whose behaviour seemed to have been totally
excused? Following her report, I was threatened with dismissal if I did
not return to work. The distress caused by this report is hard to
quantify — even now it affects me.
Conclusion
Even though I know that my troubles are small in the scheme of things,
I have felt overwhelmed by my last work experience and my life has
totally changed since then. As I have said, I found the process
involved in taking a bullying action more damaging than the original
bullying behaviour. Sometimes I still ask myself how some individuals
who turned a blind eye, or who denied me my right to have an
independent hearing, can live with themselves. Each person must,
obviously, make his or her own choices.
I
simply would like people to be aware of the possible hidden pitfalls
involved in attempting to go through the ‘bullying system' — and system
is what it is. I fought hard for a period of two and a half years to
have my voice heard. Without the emotional support of many people, I
would not have survived the process. I have been very angry with myself
for ‘failing to cope', and at other people to a degree I never thought
possible. However, I never saw myself as a victim, nor do I today, and
I know I did the right thing in standing up for myself.
